Spring, 1994
New York City
Dear Jonathan,
For one moment in New York, I was alert, fogging up the windows of
my eyes with misty disbelief. The two of them talked like
subterranean schoolgirls being watched. They were standing with
dancers' feet on the dirty concrete. Two plants with buds and no
roots.
I wanted to run toward their precipice and belly flop, damnation dive
into the nevergreen, drink all the poison and dream blue hallelujahs
while the table cloth was being laid open and spread for me. Make
language, soul, sword, flutter, shrill-caper, smile, save someone,
especially us, from dying. Have a great dark secret to carry like a
ticking shoe box.
There was never a question about which one would lead me into
temptation. But my angel threw a noose around my shadow while I
circled the block in first flight. He pulled the string of some talking
puppet and by the time the words peppered away into the gilded street
lamps made merciful by the dim Manhattan moon, the gifted ones had
descended down the subway stairs, down below the surface of things,
ushered down forever into the railed womb of the city by my
heaven-sent one.
And now exhausted by the leftover forbidden fruit which was whisked
beneath the valley of the shadow of my pulsing, I go to my room
hardly awake, beached, lying in the desert bed amongst the Georgia
O'Keefe driftwood of Chelsea number 912.
It was June before I needed blue.
Write soon,
Mr. Premonition